The pursuit of happiness

  Do you ever have that feeling everyone else is having fun, earning loads of money, having it easy, living the high life?........and you’re just plodding along, working every hour possible, living from hand to mouth, juggling work, kids, chores, never getting a minute to enjoy your life? …….never really feeling happy or content? ......you're not alone!! Here's a few things to think about when feeling like this.

  Happiness can only ever genuinely come from within yourself, it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing, what anyone else is saying, only you can create happiness for you……..and the good news is that means we can be in control!

  Happiness is a state of mind, a mix of emotions and thoughts we create as a result of external factors (people, environment, incidents) and our response to those factors. The important thing to remember is WE HAVE A CHOICE…….we create the state of mind for ourselves. Given the choice, would you rather create a positive, resourceful (happy) state of mind for yourself, or a negative, unresourceful state?

  I’m going to assume you answered in the positive! So how do we go about creating this happy, positive state of mind within ourselves?

1.       Awareness

If we are “in a bad mood” or having a bad day, the first step is to acknowledge the fact. Even if we are happy in our life, we will have dips, bad experiences, days when we don’t feel 100%.......we all have days when we feel we’ve been hit with the s*it stick. That’s OK, but once we have acknowledged it, we can then choose to change it.

2.       Focus on me – focus on the positive

It’s very easy to get caught up in other people’s worlds. In this age of social media we are being bombarded with images and messages from others letting us know how happy they are, how in love they are, how clever (or cute!) their kids are. On most days you can scroll through Facebook or Instagram and find someone flying First Class on holiday, sitting in the newest trendy restaurant or showing off their new possessions.

It’s easy to become envious of other people when you only see the surface – those same people are not so quick to post pictures of them shouting at their kids to get ready for school, or sat in traffic driving to work. You only see the happiest or best bits that others want to portray.

Avoid focusing on others’ perceived accomplishments or successes, this is equally as important as not focusing on our own blips. We have a tendency to zone in on all the negative moments, however small, and allow them to affect (and ruin!) our day. If we spend more time and energy focused on our goals, our development and improving ourselves, we will be far more aware of our progress, and subsequently enjoy a huge sense of achievement and fulfillment on a daily basis.

3.       Love yourself

           I’m not going to get too “flowery” here! Be honest with yourself! It is important to         identify what you want, what you love……and what makes you happy. Love and appreciate yourself!

          We are all different, you are never going to please everyone all the time and there will always be people that you don’t agree with. Self-worth and confidence comes from accepting this and following your heart……….and knowing that what you are doing is in your best interests, and of your family’s. People will see that and respect that, even if they don’t agree with you.

…….and remember No.2 above!

4.       Be happy with what you have

        This doesn’t mean you can’t strive for more. The desire to improve and better yourself is vital to our progression and development as a human being. However, being aware of what you do have, and grateful for those things are essential to feeling a sense of happiness.

         If you have the mindset of needing “one more thing” to be happy……the pay rise, the new car, the bigger house……then you will always need “one more thing” and you will never be truly happy.

          Be grateful, enjoy and savour what you have, even the difficulties you face. The tough times and low points we experience can serve to reinforce the good times and allow us to enjoy them even more. We can learn from the bad times and see them as obstacles and challenges we face, overcome and ultimately becoming stronger because of.

5.       Live in the present

          We all have a past, and whether they are positive or negative memories, they are in the past. Don’t hold on to the past because whether you perceive them as good or bad, holding on to those memories will only hold us back. We can learn from our experiences, and we can take those lessons forward to enjoy today better, and develop and improve our future.

6.       Create a positive environment

          As much as we can have a positive effect on those around us, we can be influenced by negativity around us too. You may not be “brought down to their level” but if you have people around you who are toxic, it makes your happiness that much harder to achieve. Don’t make your job harder, if you want to be “happy”, lose the toxic people that are influencing your day to day life.

          We attract what we project and vice versa, surround yourself with as much positivity and support as possible. You will create and breed an increasingly healthy and happier world for yourself.

  There’s a much used quote……“the happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything.

  Take time to focus on yourself, what you think, feel…….what you love. You will only truly feel happy from within, and what others are doing or saying is not relevant. You will be surprised how little you need to make you happy! 

** If you want to speak to me about subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

Happy Holidays

  July days hadn’t even reached double figures and some kids had already broken up for (rather lengthy) school holidays and now the sun is out.......finally! Summer is here!

  It might be difficult to comprehend that fact with the glorious British summer showcasing it’s typically damp and drab personality much of the time, but many are now counting the days to when they jet off to warm and sunnier locations for their annual dose of rest and relaxation……..but is it really restful?......or relaxing?

  Where do you start with the holiday itself? The challenge of packing luggage within weight limits, heaving airports, delayed planes, lost baggage, hotels that are not quite as they seemed in the brochure…….and that’s before you even get down to the pool for your first day in the sun!.....holidays are not always the relaxing getaway we were hoping for.

  I would like to concentrate on an area we can have a little more control over…..our ability to “switch off”, our ability to leave work and other external distractions behind. In an age when we find it almost impossible to separate ourselves from a screen of some sort, it is no wonder that stress is so widespread. Even when we stop work, we’re on our computers, or laptops…. tablets, smartphones. If it’s not Facebook it’s Twitter or Instagram or Snapchat. Unless we REALLY switch off and we kick back………and watch TV!

  With real down time at such a premium, it’s important to maximise your holiday time – why bother booking a holiday if you spend half your time pacing up and down the side of the swimming pool talking to Steve from accounts or telling Gemma how to do your job in your absence?

  The first step is to acknowledge the importance of your holiday. Many would assume that because they are not physically working, that they are resting. You may indeed be resting those aching limbs, but what about your mind? Your brain is a critical tool of your trade…….whatever business you are in! Look after it, rest it, nourish it. A holiday should allow you the opportunity to relax, repair and finally recharge your mind so you return ready to face all the familiar challenges at 100% capacity.

  So, how can we effectively detach ourselves from work and truly enjoy our holiday time? There are two important areas to consider, your work environment before you go, and your personal space once you are away:

  Finish projects where possible – manage your time in the last week or two before you leave,  prioritising important projects that you want to close out, and get them done.

  Delegate - Everything else can be delegated, whether you are a manager or member of a team, it is vital to delegate when you are present, even more so when you are not! It’s unhealthy for your business if you don’t trust your colleagues and unhealthy for you if you attempt to do everything yourself. See your holiday as an opportunity to empower your colleagues with responsibility, give them the space to flourish and prove themselves. As long as you brief them properly and prepare them, you may be pleasantly surprised……and you may realise that none of us are indispensable!

  Set boundaries – Clearly identify dates you’re away and return, what to do in an emergency……and define what constitutes an emergency! You can stipulate more detail if necessary, who to refer to in certain scenarios, what to do in others……and if there is any time when you should be contacted. This is also useful personally, to encourage you to think about what is really important!

  Prioritise – Things will go wrong as they do on most days in every business. Accept that and be comfortable with it, pick your battles and let the little things go. Your business is capable of riding the bumps of daily life when you are there, and will do so when you are away.

  Email – once you are away from the office it is important to avoid regular contact, and email is a constant source of information that you don’t need on holiday. Switch off email on your phone and break the habit of checking it every few minutes.

  Schedule a check-in – If you REALLY have to be in touch with work, schedule a time, once a day, switch on and deal with it then, and only then. If you need to speak to the office ensure they know your schedule and only speak during that time.

  Turn off notifications – Use your phone when YOU want to. Our devices are very good at interrupting our lives on a daily basis, don’t let them do that on your holiday time!

  Just because you are switching off it doesn’t mean you won’t think about work at some point. Holiday is often a good time to take stock of how things are going, and once you have fully relaxed, and your mind has a chance to recharge, that’s when you often see things from a different perspective……and more clearly…….you might even get some fantastic, new creative ideas!

  Essentially, if you are going on holiday make sure it is just that – a holiday. Leave work at work. Don’t be one of the 66% of people who said they spoke to someone back at work at least once a day while on holiday, don’t be one of the 75%+ of owner-managers who admitted to replying to work emails while on holiday…….and please don’t be one of the 58% who had an argument with their partner on holiday as a result of work related communication!!

  ……and if you do find you are someone who prefers to be in the office than relaxing on holiday, then maybe there are other issues that you should address…….that’s a whole different subject!!           #holiday #relax #stress #sunshine #heatwave

  HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

** If you want to speak to me about subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

An inspirational story......

I don't usually post other articles here on my blog, but the story of Sarah Bofinger serves as an inspiration to all of us.

Sarah was introduced to NuCalm through a dentist, Dr. Yasaman Roland, in the US. During that time she would visit just to enjoy NuCalm sessions as part of her training regime. Dr. Roland introduced Sarah to the guys at NuCalm, and they have chosen to sponsor Sarah in her quest for Olympic gold. Click on the link below to read Sarah's inspirational story.

It doesn't matter how many times people tell you that you can't do something, if you use those doubts as your motivation rather than your deterrent, your will can always prevail. When you have a mindset as positive as Sarah's there are no limits to what you can achieve.........a lesson to us all! 

I look forward to following Sarah's road to 2020 glory!     #inspiration #olympics #dental #NuCalm #mondaymotivation #mentaltoughness #innerpeace

http://www.nucalmlibrary.com/sarahs-story/

** If you want to speak to me about subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

Sats, education and happy children!

  With the current round of Sats being taken by primary school children aged 5-12 around the UK, debate has been raging about methods of teaching our children, and of methods of assessing them. I should add, that the purpose of this piece is genuinely to ask questions, allow some debate, at the very least give the reader food for thought. The perception in the UK seems to be that the quality of education is declining here while countries such as Finland are being lauded for their results, which are achieved via a system that cherishes the free thinking of the children.......starting school later at age 7 than the UK, little or no homework given in early years and freedom to play for large chunks of the school day. This, so the argument goes, has been producing better educated, and happier, children by the end of secondary school.

  Bearing this in mind, what is the effect of our schools, and our home environment, on the happiness of our children? In the "western world" rates of depression and anxiety have been increasing for the last 50+ years across all age ranges in virtually every community, and the growth is seen most in the young, especially teens. While we make progress in the world of medicine, technology and business, when it comes to mental health and happiness, things seem to be going backwards.

  Why is this happening? Rates of anxiety and depression among children and adolescents were far lower during the Great Depression, World War II, the Cold War, and the turbulent 1960s and early ‘70s than they are today. The changes seem to be more about the way young people view the world than the way the world actually is! Things are tough for many of us now, but compared to World War II.........?!

  One important factor contributing to anxiety and depression is control, or lack of it, and we increasingly seem to feel that we have a lack of control in the modern world. While we have made great advancements in medicine to extend life expectancy, made great strides in limiting prejudice and increasing acceptance of gender, race, religion and sexual orientation, and increased the standard of living of the average person, somehow the belief that young people feel they have control of their own destinies has decreased.

  This may be a consequence of where our personal ambition lies. I would guess that many of us target external goals rather than internal ones. Instead of focusing on one’s own development as a person, we are far more likely to strive for material rewards and acceptance via other people’s judgements. We are choosing high income, status and good looks over personal development and a meaningful philosophy of life………..that is all well and good, but we have far less control over these external goals than we do our internal personal ones, and thus far less control over our own emotional wellbeing.

There is clearly a cultural shift in mainstream society across the globe, fuelled predominantly by an ever growing and more powerful media, to focus on material rewards. However, there is a feeling amongst some that the education and upbringing of our children is also a major contributing factor…..which brings us back to the subject at the beginning of my piece, children’s education here in the UK.

  The opportunity for “free play” has declined continuously throughout the last 50 years. A major cause of this has been the reluctance of parents to trust society with their children – “it’s not safe for our kids to play in the street like we used to” – and the education system has done little to encourage the independent thinking of students. This free play, is how children historically learn to solve problems, form relationships, develop their own interests, discover what makes them happy, and control their own lives…......….and perhaps internal focus rather than external.

  While free play has declined over the years, school activities and extra-curricular activities has increased. Instead of free play, children are spending more and more time under direct adult supervision and control. Whether it’s school based or family related, our children are being deprived of the opportunity to learn how to take control of their lives. We may think we are protecting them from the big bad world but we are in fact diminishing their joy, their sense of control and their ability to discover and explore activities they may love.

  Children today spend more time in school than ever before. More weight is given to tests and grades than ever. Outside of school, children spend more time than ever in settings in which they are directed, protected, catered to, ranked, judged, and rewarded by adults. In all of these settings adults are in control, not children.

  In school what’s important is not the kids’ choice of activities or their judgement of competence, but the teachers and the administrators, and their choices. The goal is not competence it is good grades, so given a choice between really learning and understanding a subject or getting a Grade A, most students would opt for the latter. With our constant testing and evaluation becoming increasingly intense each year this merely encourages the substitution of external goals for internal ones.

  Is there another way?.... ..can freedom, play, and self-directed exploration make a re-emergence in our modern society? Surely we don't need to drive kids crazy to educate them. Given freedom and opportunity, would young people happily educate themselves, and in the process develop internal values, personal self-control, and emotional wellbeing?

  We are living in a world in which we are constantly bombarded with messages to strive for external rewards, we are creating anxious and depressive citizens in increasing numbers. Our children are surely going to perpetuate this spiral if they continue in the current climate. How can we stem the tide for our next generation? How can we hand control back to our children........of their actions, their thoughts, their emotions, their lives? 

#sats #happiness # children #education #freeplay #anxiety #depression

 

** If you want to speak to me about subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

Notice the sunrise

   Spring is in the air this morning, or is it summer?

   Whatever it is, there is something about this time of year as we get used to the lighter mornings and the longer days, we may also feel a little lighter in mood and more in touch with the simple pleasures around us. Most of us are aware of the effect of sunlight on our mood, and there is evidence that the brain produces more of the natural anti-depressant serotonin on sunny days, therefore it’s understandable that we will find ourselves in happier moods.

   However, we also shouldn’t underestimate the positive effect that little everyday occurrences can have on us. When we are on holiday in locations we perceive as more exotic than home (and usually they are!) we notice natural moments like a sunset, even if it doesn’t have a beach or rolling hills in the foreground. We notice the leaves or flowers blowing in the breeze and we appreciate the scenery all around us. This happens not simply because we are in a more aesthetically pleasing environment, it also happens because we take the time to slow down, look around us, absorb our surroundings…..and relax!

   Experiment with taking a little time every day to look around you and appreciate the beauty you normally ignore, look around you and examine in more detail the wonderful aspects of your daily existence, and the people within it, that you habitually skim over and disregard. You’ll be surprised at how much there is, even in our hectic city/work life and busy suburban/personal life that will give you a lift. Stop for a few seconds, and appreciate the little tokens of joy that present themselves to you on a regular basis, and that you routinely ignore.

   Pause and allow yourself to notice the sunrise (maybe sunset is more realistic at this time of year!), and while you’re at it, welcome the morning birdsong into your awareness, offer a smile to the neighbour you see on your daily walk to the station, absorb the innocent giggles of your children and even upgrade your default cordial handshake to a warm hug for your friends.

   We all have different lives, different routines, different experiences. What we have in common though is that we will all have opportunities that present themselves to us on a daily basis, and offer the chance to lighten our mood, ease our stress, perhaps make us happy for a while.

   Go on, open your heart, open your mind, open your eyes and look around you…….it might even put a smile on your face!

 ** If you want to speak to me about subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

.......do you speak my language?!

  There is often a great emphasis placed on the ability to read body language, to know what someone is really thinking even when they are saying something else.

  Studies at UCLA indicate that only 7% of communication of feelings and attitudes are via the spoken word while 38% of those messages are with the tonality of our voice, the way words are said (volume, tone, speed). At 58%, the highest proportion of messages relating to feelings and attitudes are communicated via physiology or body language (facial expression, posture, gesture).

  With that in mind, it's not surprising that so many people are concerned with interpreting what others are saying with their physiology, and there are countless sources informing us what crossed arms means, making eye contact, expansive hand gestures and many other physical movements.

  While it would indeed be very useful to know exactly what others are thinking, both in business and personal life, one needs to be careful not to attach generalised labels to everyone concerning body language. 

  We are all programmed differently due to unique experiences throughout our lives, creating different internal filters and subsequent responses for all of us. In a professional capacity I would always look to avoid a "mind read" with a client.

  Where an awareness of body language can be very useful however, is in establishing rapport. In most situations it is important to connect with someone, whether in a business meeting, social occasion or everyday activities with your kids.

  When people are like each other, they tend to like each other! If you are aware of someone's body language and indeed the tonality of their voice, you are covering 93% of their communication with you. By subtly mirroring or matching these characteristics, the person is more likely to be drawn to you, like you or want to agree with you...........now that works whether you're negotiating a business deal, playing with your children, or anything in between!!

 ** If you want to speak to me about subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.  

Spring is in the air

   Do you want to stop snacking on those biscuits you crave?.........Fed up with that chocolate bar you can't say "No" to?.........Have you been promising yourself you will lose weight before the summer?...................Let's do it, make that change, Now!

      Spring is in the air, the sun is shining, the coldest of the winter is behind us and summer is just around the corner. Yes I know it's London and we are just as likely to have snow in April but let me enjoy myself!

   With the clocks moving forward coinciding with the long Easter weekend coming up I am feeling generous. For the rest of the month, any bookings made with me will receive 20% off!

   To activate this deal you only have to make the booking before the end of the month......the session, or sessions can be scheduled into April and beyond. Take advantage while I'm feeling generous!

 ** If you want to speak to me about subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.  

Time to be a little selfish..........?!

  When working with corporate clients, particularly with managers and their ability to lead their teams, I often refer to "Me, Us and It" (***) whereby it's important to look at how the interaction between Me (you), Us (your team) and It (product/service delivered) is best optimised. The concept is simply about how one engages one's team to deliver the end product or service, the one "thing" that your business depends on.

  In the business world, it often requires a change of mindset for clients to realise and understand that the first step to improving performance in the marketplace is to get "Me" right, and once you have that, you are then able to manage the rest far better.......the "Us" and finally the "It".

  The business world has learnt over the years to use coaching to help identify deficiencies in performance, improve awareness of methods to increase productivity and ultimately make positive changes in the work environment.

  We are perhaps not so quick however, to analyse our personal life and look at ways in which we can improve ourselves and consequently, the precious world around us. If we look at the "Me, Us, It" idea, this can be applied in our personal life to make positive change on a daily basis that can benefit us, our family, and even close circle of friends and extended family.

   The "Me" refers to you, the "Us" refers to your close knit group of people who you interact with personally on a daily basis. For many that will be close family, perhaps a partner and children, and for others that may be a partner or it may be parents, close friends who live together, students who live away from home with their peers, or maybe those people who work abroad and spend long periods away from home. Whatever your individual situation, you have a group of people who you have a personal interaction with from day to day.

  This is similar to the business model so far, but the "It" differs in that in our personal life we are not creating a product or providing a service as our final goal.

   What are we looking for then? The detail is different for every individual, but broadly speaking most of us are looking to achieve a harmonious environment in which we can be happy and healthy, we will probably want a level of love and support, and at the same time need some space to enjoy the little things that are important to us such as exercise and hobbies.

  Ironically, the first step to achieving this well-balanced lifestyle is to be selfish and concentrate on yourself! When you are taken through the safety instructions before take off on a plane, what is the first thing they tell you about the oxygen masks?.......before you look after anyone else, including young children, secure your own mask. You are not going to be able to help anyone unless you are strong and breathing clean oxygen yourself. 

  Many of us don't tend to focus on the "Me" enough. If you think about yourself first, pay attention to what you want, what makes you happy and content, you will be in a much stronger position to engage with those around you and create the harmonious environment that we all crave in our daily lives.

  So, take a step back, assess your life, your surroundings. Do you smile enough? laugh? love? Do you have someone to help in identifying what makes you a happier you?

  It could be the simple things that you are missing like a walk in the fresh air, sunshine (not so easy here in the UK!) or just finding the time to enjoy that hobby that you have enjoyed since you were a child. Whatever it is, if you spend some time on you first (“Me”), then you are better equipped to engage with those around you (“Us”) and deliver a more harmonious world for everyone (“It”).

 

  ** If you want to speak to me about subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.  

(***) with thanks to Elliot at All-round Leadership

The little things..........

  Following hot on the heels of Valentine’s Day, we have Mother’s Day this weekend, another in the long list of commercially engineered days when we are instructed to buy cards, gifts and tell our loved ones how much we love them. Now, if anyone should be having a designated celebration day it is Mum. That is not sarcasm, they give birth to us all, giving up their bodies in the process, they continue to nurture us long after it is necessary.....they are truly the most deserving. 

  Do you feel pressured on occasions like this to bestow lavish gifts on mums, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, dads or husbands? Are you an abstainer, opting out of any commercialisation of your emotions? Or are you somewhere between the two?

   There’s little doubt that we are all aware, in some sense of the pressure to buy presents for others on these occasions but it might be worth considering whether these are truly appreciated. Would you be happy to receive an expensive gift from a loved one?........Of course you would! Who wouldn’t want that new car, or expensive vacation?!!

  However, a survey back in 2014 by Double Tree highlighted the effect small gestures have on us, suggesting in fact that it’s the little things that make us happiest! I will avert the flood of mocking comments by conceding that there won’t be many (or any!) out there who would swap an exotic holiday for a passing compliment from a stranger! Nonetheless, we could all benefit from an increased awareness of the positive effect we can have on others and ourselves by performing small but regular, acts of kindness and selflessness.

  The survey results are below with the top 20 list of little things that make people happy or the “Little Things Index”:

1.      Finding a fiver in your jeans pocket

2.    The sun shining

3.     Heading to the till and finding out the item you picked up has been further reduced

4.     Getting into bed with fresh sheets

5.     Getting something for free

6.     Performing a random act of kindness

7.     Booking a holiday

8.     A compliment from a stranger

9.     Favourite song comes on the radio

10.   Completing a long list of jobs

11.     Eating chocolate

12.    Looking at old photographs

13.     Your car passing its MOT

14.     Driving through a crowded car park and finding yourself behind someone in the first spot who is just leaving

15.      A cup of tea and a cookie

16.      Making plans with an old friend who you haven't seen in a long time

17.      A slice of cake

18.      Avoiding traffic

19.     Someone making you a drink

20.    Receiving praise from your colleague or boss

 

  As you can see, many on the list are not even acts of kindness, they may be as simple as (no. 2) the sun shining.

  Most would agree that we want to do as much as possible to make us feel happy……..we all want to feel happy right? Maybe it’s about time we spent more time identifying the little things that are personal to us, and make us feel happy. My guess is that you would be surprised how dramatically you can increase your happiness and sense of well-being by ensuring you enjoy a few simple pleasures in life………….or your own personal “little things index”

  Then there is the effect on the recipient of an unexpected act of kindness. According to the research, pleasant surprises provide us with the greatest moments of happiness with 82% saying the best things in life are those you don't expect. It seems that the less we are expecting something, the more profound the benefit derived from it, so we can have a huge impact on other people’s happiness by randomly surprising them with little gestures…..which in turn can trigger our own happiness…….win/win!!

  Referring to the “Little Things Index”, Dr Glenn Williams, Senior Lecturer in Psychology at Nottingham Trent University said: "It's vital for our health and well-being to experience positive emotions on a regular basis. As this research shows, an effective route to happiness is not necessarily through experiencing major events that we might have planned out such as getting married, moving house, getting that all-important promotion, or even being on a holiday. Rather it is the small, and often unexpected, pleasures in life that can make us smile each and every day to help us build happier and more meaningful lives for ourselves and for others.

  Why not sit down and write your own “Little Things Index”? It might just make the world for you and others, a happier place.

.......I would but I need to rush out and buy some last minute Mother’s Day gifts!!

  

 

  ** If you want to speak to me about subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.  

NuCalm - arriving March 2016

“Meditation in a box”

I am launching an amazing new product in the UK in March and am delighted to be able to offer clients,  friends and contacts the opportunity to test this wonderful all-natural way to balance your mind and body and find your true equilibrium.

If this doesn't sound like it is relevant to you, look at the list below and ask yourself if you would benefit from any of the following:

-          Enhanced sleep quality

-          Lower stress levels and eliminate anxiety

-          Increase energy levels

-          Improve focus and performance

-          Strengthen your immune system

-          Improve heart health and slow the ageing process

-          Improve overall health and wellness

-          Resolve jet lag and cope with travel demands

The process requires nothing more from you than to listen to soothing music through our headphone set……..and relax!

NuCalm is unique because it creates deep relaxation without using narcotics or controlled substances, causes no significant side effects, requires no recuperative time or supervision, and is safe to use with children.

Many have already experienced the benefits of NuCalm, and I am happy to continue to offer the low trial price before next month’s launch of £30 for a 50 minute session on NuCalm.

Please view the link below or contact me for more information, I will be happy to answer all your questions and arrange an appointment.

http://www.nucalm.com/index.cfm    

Anxiety?...........doesn't affect me!

The first thing to understand about anxiety is that we all experience it in some form, at some time, and the trigger for it can be anything from the simplest of events to the most complex. The severity of the anxiety, the regularity of it and the effect it has on us is where we differ.

    Physical symptoms can include heart palpitations, trembling or shaking, sweating, dizziness, surges of overwhelming panic. It becomes all you can think about and prevents normal functioning of every day life.

    But it's important to remember that anxiety is not real. It occurs when we feel nervous or worry about an event or situation in the future. And that is the key - the future, therefore that event or situation hasn't happened yet. It is thought driven, one's perception of that future event, and created by that person's mind. We can become so focused on the negative that it is all we can think about.

     Therefore, it's important to make a choice. You can choose how you feel, you can take control of your thoughts, it's you who chooses to focus on those negative thoughts.....and it's you who ultimately has the choice to change that focus to a more positive outcome. 

   You may be reading this thinking this isn't relevant to me, I don't suffer from anxiety. But maybe you know someone that does......and maybe you can do something to help!

  For those suffering from anxiety, it is often the little things that help bring you out of your anxious bubble and into the real world. A coffee with a friend or simply a hug, can reassure you that you're not on your own. You would have created a catastrophic scenario in your head, maybe a chat with someone else to appreciate another perspective can make all the difference - better still allow you to redesign your own perspective..........

   If there is anything you would like to discuss related to anxiety or any other issues, please click on my contact page and use the form or email me directly on dan@danpiler.com and I will get back to you immediately.

Happy New Year

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy new year.

May 2016 bring all that you wish for, and everything you commit to achieving.

Dan

Seasons Greetings to one and all

Wishing you a Merry Christmas. There is very little work happening anywhere on Christmas Day - take yourself away from your daily routine, turn your phone off, don't think about work, enjoy quality time with your family, friends and loved ones. Grasp that opportunity with both hands.........it doesn't happen often!

And if you know someone who isn't as lucky as you, who doesn't have the benefit of loved ones to spend the day with, reach out and do something, however small, to make them feel that they matter. An invitation, a phone call, even a simple text.......they all count.

If you are having a tough time over this festive season please contact me and I will make every effort to reply to you as quickly as possible.

Merry Christmas

Dan

Festive cheer.............or festive fear

The Christmas lights have been up for a few weeks now, the presents have been bought (if you're organised!), you've almost finished embarrassing yourself at the numerous office parties, work is winding down and it's so close now you can almost smell the turkey cooking. The festive season is well and truly upon us and we're all in the party mood.

Or are we?..............

For many who suffer with anxiety this can be the most traumatic time of year. The most incapacitating effects are caused by sufferers' fixation on their perceived social inadequacies and Christmas provides many opportunities to focus on these. Potentially stressful events consume thoughts for months beforehand, and the often imagined disaster is analysed at great length afterwards. The office party, buying presents, shopping in large crowds, having relatives to stay, or a family gathering can all act as the trigger for stress and anxiety.

Christmas comes with high expectations of perfect, happy families enjoying luxurious celebrations and gifts, and young, happy workers enjoying party season with an abundance of social engagements and alcohol fuelled celebrations - but not all of us are able to live up to these ideals.

Just to be clear, I am not talking about clinical anxiety or depression here as that is a far more complex issue that requires more detailed help. There are a number of areas however, that have the potential to turn anyone's festive season into a disaster zone, and some useful ways to avoid that happening!

• Financial stress

 Whether it's buying presents, going to parties or the cost of Christmas Day itself, the pressure to keep up with the expectations of your peer group or the media image of a typical Christmas can be overwhelming. Plan ahead and budget for what you can afford. Agree to a low cost "secret Santa" present with office workers or Christmas Day guests, suggest that family only buy gifts for the kids and encourage Christmas Day guests to contribute to the proceedings either financially or by bringing a dish. This will help to ease the money stress and the concern of preparing a big dinner for a large group of people. Better to find cheaper alternatives than to cut yourself off because you feel you can't afford to enjoy the holiday season.

• Shopping

For many there is a huge stress surrounding the buying of gifts, whether the cost involved or the chasing round busy shopping centres filled with manic Christmas shoppers. Online shopping is a great way to limit the effects of both. Once again, if you can plan ahead and buy all your gifts online, you have the opportunity to save money AND avoid the shopping stampede in one move!

• Loneliness

For those feeling isolated, Christmas can compound those feelings as you perceive everyone off enjoying their "perfect" Christmas. 

There are ways to overcome loneliness if you find yourself isolated or grieving a loved one at this time of year.

Connect with friends and family    -    even if you’re separated by distance, make a point of contacting loved ones online or by phone. Particularly with the wealth of video calling options available now, it's a cheap and accessible way to interact with family and friends and feel part of a celebration even if you can't be there physically.
Volunteer    -    why not lend a hand to a local shelter over Christmas? There are lots of charities who need help, and many recipients who need your help even more. It's an opportunity to connect with people, make a genuine difference to their lives and feel good about making a positive contribution. 
Attend community events. Find out what’s on locally and get involved. Whether it’s Christmas carols, local markets or festivals, getting out and about can generate social interaction and help relieve loneliness. 

•   Family tensions

For some, family gatherings can provide a little relief from anxiety, while for others they can act as the trigger for these negative emotions.

Set your expectations at realistic levels. If you are hoping to recreate the Christmas card or Disney film ideal then you have a very good chance of disappointing. Don't expect miracles.  If your holiday anxiety stems from a deeper history of family conflict, don’t expect that you’ll be able to resolve any big underlying issues now. It’s supposed to be a season of forgiveness and goodwill, but in the midst of a hectic holiday season you can’t pin your hopes on leading family members to big emotional breakthroughs. You may be better off focusing on your own state of mind and confronting difficult issues during a less volatile time of year.

Plan ahead to avoid known triggers, avoid sitting Uncle X next to Auntie Y If there is a history of tension between them, and avoid topics that have a history of causing arguments and unrest in previous years.

Put the kids first. Think about Christmas as a day for the kids, put aside any adult conflicts and focus on them and their happiness.

Drink in moderation! It is very tempting to drink (and eat!) too much during the festive season, but alcohol and over eating can significantly contribute to stress, anxiety and depression. 

Do you have annual rituals of the holiday season that you feel you have to do that make you miserable? Do you really HAVE to do them?                                                                                     Why would you do things that make you miserable?                                                                       What would happen if you did things differently?                                                                            You may think "disaster" but that's in your mind, the reality is that there will be a simple alternative to the calamity that you have envisaged.

The key is to be conscious of what you are doing. This year don't blindly do things the same way just because that’s how you have always done them. If your old holiday traditions are not working, if they’re not making you happy and causing holiday stress, it’s time to do something different..................and bring a smile back to your festive season.

Float away and eliminate stress.......recover, heal and rebuild

NuCalm

I am very excited about an amazing product that is relatively unknown here in the UK, but we will soon be making widely available in the new year. NuCalm is the first and only patented neuroscience technology proven to lower stress and improve sleep quality without drugs!

NuCalm will take you from stress to relaxation in minutes and can be easily administered in 2-3 minutes. While it has predominantly been used by the dental industry in the US for nervous patients, the benefits are being enjoyed now by professional sports teams, busy executives and even the world renowned life success coach Tony Robbins.

Anxious patients, nervous flyers, stressed and exhausted executives, insomniacs - anyone who wants to find their true equilibrium will enjoy the benefits of this wonderful product......the more stressed you are, the more profound the NuCalm effect will be!

I am delighted to say that I have a system available for use, so if you are interested in sampling the simple pleasure of the NuCalm experience please visit my contact page or send me a message via Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

From now, through the festive season and the rest of December I will offer the unique opportunity to enjoy a NuCalm session at a huge discount to introduce people to the product. I am happy to answer any questions you might have so please feel free to contact me.

Click on the links below to read more and discover the incredible potential of NuCalm.

 

http://www.nucalm.com/index.cfm

http://www.nucalmlibrary.com/the-chicago-blackhawks-raise-the-stanley-cup-again/

http://uk.businessinsider.com/tony-robbins-energy-tricks-2015-10?utm_content=buffer1d4c9&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer?r=US&IR=T

Pick your battles

     For all the perceived success with the modern mindset of chasing the dream, working all the hours, depriving ourselves of down time, pushing hard and striving to reach the next level, the next goal, sometimes we can benefit from stepping back and seeing the "big picture".......sometimes we just need a different perspective.

    I have a saying regarding my 3 kids, "pick your battles". It's often worth giving in on relatively minor issues with a 5 year old. Not only do they feel satisfied at having "won" in a particular situation, it also allows you to concentrate on successfully negotiating more important "battles".

     This can apply to our own dilemmas. By letting go of some of our own internal conflicts, and giving up ground in certain areas, we then create space in the vacuum that will allow us to change our perspective and ultimately grow.

     My old world of trading may not be a physical fight (not since the days of pit trading anyway!), but mentally and emotionally it is, and it is all-consuming. In all the years that I have considered other ideas, other businesses, it wasn't until I made the decision to cut ties with trading that I have been able to dedicate my energy - my positive energy - into something I am passionate about.

     I am not suggesting we all need to give up our careers, but we often have conflicts that tie us in knots internally and are obstacles for us moving forward, if we could let go of those conflicts we would be far better off. Fighting, whether physically, emotionally or mentally, is draining, and if we eliminate those negative elements we can free up huge resources of energy to be used in far more positive ways. 

** If you want to speak to me about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

Do you care what other people think?

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu

   A problem that many people complain of is being worried about what other people think.

   Well, the first thing to remember is that it’s impossible to satisfy everyone so you might as well stop trying!

   We can become so obsessed with what others think that we are unable to focus on getting anything done for ourselves, we become paralyzed with fear of doing the wrong thing, and eventually our actions and all aspects of our lives, become shaped by how we think other people perceive us.

   Does my bum look big in this? What will my workmates think if I say that? What will my friends think of me if I do that? Are they talking about me behind my back?

   It’s exhausting, it’s draining, and you can’t go on living with the restrictions of other people’s values hanging over you…….and more than likely, values that have no substance. The reality is that, even in the case of those who are keen to judge, very few of us have time to think for more than a few fleeting seconds about anyone else. In this modern society of me, me, me, we’re too busy thinking and worrying about ourselves!

   Invest time in yourself, find out what is important to you, what you really value, and then the small matter of what other people think of you becomes significantly less important. You will soon realise that you can’t control how others behave towards you, but you can control how you react to them.

   You will undoubtedly make mistakes. We are constantly evolving, developing and learning, and the only way to do that positively is to make your own choices, your own decisions and take full responsibility for them. Ensure you are “at cause” rather than effect, and if you do make a mistake then it is one you can learn from, one that comes from being true to yourself and you can’t lay the blame at someone else’s door.

   Remove negativity from your life, be honest to yourself and you can build a better life based on integrity and making you and those you really love, happy. You have the answers within you, deep down you know who you are and you know what you want.

   Worrying what people think will hold you back, constrict and limit you. Once you eliminate your fear of judgement and stop concerning yourself with other people’s opinions, you will find out who you really are………...and that's freedom.

** If you want to speak to me about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

Change

    It felt appropriate to make my first blog about change considering I made the decision to “trade in” a career trading financial markets for a new career providing coaching & therapy....a pretty big leap you might think.

    Evolution has programmed us to be cautious about change, but it doesn't need to be quite so drastic as changing career, and for some a small or subtle change can make all the difference to our state of mind and provide a boost to our confidence and our energy, to revitalise us.

    Redecorating, de-cluttering, buying a new pair of shoes or item of clothing, even as simple as having a shave after you’ve let that stubble grow a little longer than usual......they can all have a refreshing effect that can brighten your mood, clear your mind and re-energise.

    Take a look around you, I'm sure there's something you have that you think, "hmmm, I've been meaning to get rid of that" or "I've wanted to change that for so long".
    …......so do it!

    See how good it feels....!

** If you want to speak to me about any subjects I have addressed in my blogs or any other issues on your mind, please submit the form on my contacts page or contact me through Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.